January 2009
279 posts
so long 2008, what a beautiful bitch of a year you were!
December 2008
248 posts
starting tomorrow you can’t text while driving. i plan to spend all day driving around in my car and sending random texts to friends.
Time Warner Cable Loses Viacom: MTV, Nickelodeon,... →
Well this fucking sucks. So much for new Daily Show and and Colbert in 2008. How will I know if I want to continue to have a Bromance with Bromance? How can i figure out if The City takes place in New York City? Plus, now I can’t choose not to watch Real World Brooklyn, instead the decision has been made for me. Time Warner you suck. I wish Comcast would come back.
Cheney: "I Don't Have Any Idea" Why I'm Unpopular →
Hey Dick,
I can think of of few reasons. If you’d like to hear them give me a call, or we can gchat. Cool?
Todd
Bristol Palin Baby Son Tripp Born →
All things considered I think Tripp was about the most normal name we could have hoped for with a Palin involved.
Random Thought
i don’t want to live in an america where marley and me is the number one film at the box office.
Top Album and Song of 2009*
Here it is folks, my list of top album and song of 2009. I don’t think this is premature.
Top Album
AC Newman - Get Guilty
Honorable Mention:
Animal Collective - Merriweather Post Pavilion
Top Song
Animal Collective - My Girls
Honorable Mention:
AC Newman - The Heartbreak Rides
*i reserve the right to change any of these once 2009 actually starts
Sabrina The Teenage Witch, Then and Now
Laura Bush: My Husband's Not A Failure →
Well Laura, I beg to differ.
People need to stop saying Bush has kept us safe since September 11th. If Bush had his eye on the ball he would have kept us safe for all 8 years. September 11th happened on Bush’s watch. Just because Bush has been able to “protect” us since doesn’t mean he shouldn’t share some of the blame for not being able to keep us safe on 9/11....
Burning Bridges - Arcade Fire
Some...
Tom Brady, Gisele Not Engaged According To Mr.... →
Okay Tom this is a good thing. Now you can make your proposal something more special than just hanging out on the private jet. I’d like to once again recommend my dip yourself in gold idea. I hear that’s how all the bigwigs propose nowadays (or maybe 4 months ago, before the economy crashed and rich people became and endangered species).
NASA Loses 90 Rubber Duckies in the Arctic, Offers... →
Duckies were last seen with this man:
He is considered armed and dangerous and should be approached with caution. Possible hideouts include the bath, Mr. Hooper’s store, in a garbage can, and the Land Of Make Believe (we believe he has been in contact with known duckie enthusiast F. Rodgers).
Tom Brady, Gisele Engaged On Christmas Eve →
My man Tom proposed on a fucking private jet. I suppose it’s not the most romantic place to propose, but it does say “I make a shit ton of money.” Although the best way to propose with that attitude is to be on a private jet, hire Justin Timberlake to sing some tunes, dip yourself in pure gold and then offer up the ring. Trust me, ladies love a man dipped in pure gold.
Lindsay Lohan's Dad Starts Blogging →
Check it out at www.mikelohanonline.com. I didn’t think it’d be possible for anyone to top Brody Jenner’s new blog, but here comes Michael Lohan to save the day.
And guys just so you know his site is NOT ABOUT LINDSAY AND SAMANTHA. It’s about spreading truth, quoting the bible, and sucking off as much of your daughter’s fame as humanly possible to try to make...
anyone out there want to give me a christmas gift that is the new animal collective album? i hear it leaked.
Update: thanks max!
CIA Using Viagra To Help Build Alliances In... →
Much like the CIA helping out Bin Laden years ago I wonder if giving Afghanis boners is going to somehow come back to haunt us in a few years.
Judge Says Fox Owns Rights to ‘Watchmen,’ Made by... →
Look, as long as Watchmen still comes out on March 6th I don’t care if it has a Fox of WB logo at the beginning. Still this can’t be happy Christmas news for those Warner Brothers to get.
Man Accused of Smuggling Mummies →
Egyptian officials are looking for this man:
There have been reports that he has donned a disguise and might be dressed like this:
Things I Will Not Be Attending
The Nation’s Biggest Jewish Singles Event - The Ball 2008! - Tonight in LA at the Highlands
Because $30 is way too much money to spend to be surrounded by so many of “my people.” The idea of 1500 Jewish singles all in one places sounds like a dream only shared by Rabbis and Jewish mothers. The promise of 7 unique environments sounds like a Frankenstein Monster of design...
Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) - Darlene Love
...
WatchChristmas For The Jews from SNL
Probably one of my favorite SNL bits from a couple years ago which was sadly overshadowed by airing in the same episode as Lazy Sunday. The TV Funhouse gang really outdid themselves here with a song that feels like a lost Phil Spector classic, complete with vocals by the great Darlene Love.
The Awkward Charm of NBC's NewsRadio - Slate... →
The Slate looks at Newsradio, probably the most under appreciated sitcoms of the 90s. It’s a shame that show with such an incredible cast never reached the heights that it deserved, but at least we’ll always have the DVDs to watch.
Someone Should Tell Pete Wentz to Stop Grossing Me...
First he grosses me out by talking about the first time him and Ashlee had sex and now he’s decided to not only taste her breast milk but to tell the world about it. Pete, no one wants to know that your wife’s titty milk is “soury” and “weird.” What were you expecting it to taste like, whipping cream? I never thought I’d say this, but i wish Pete Wentz...
JonBenet Ramsey: 12 years later and still a... →
Hey cnn.com,
with the state of the world the way it is today no news day should be so slow that this needs to be your top story. And you’re gonna go ahead a make a cold case that has no new developments your top story at least make it be something that matters, you know like who killed Kennedy.
Who Wants To Be A Millionaire The Movie!!!
Hey guys, remember 1999 and that awesome show Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. Well guess what? Hollywood finally got a hold of it and turned it into a movie. Now you might not know this because for some silly reason they renamed it Slumdog Millionaire, but who cares, it’s the most exciting “episode” of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire that I’ve seen in years. Now i know...
Spencer Pratt Says He And Heidi Montag 'Need A Kid... →
I think i speak for every single living thing that populates the earth when I say “No you don’t.”